HEADPHONES CRAZE

You have definitely seen  them in all shades, colours and sizes. Everybody now owns a pair. Thing is, well it is not everybody, it is more like a certain age group of people and this is perfectly fine, it is the trend anyway and if you do not agree with the trend you will be trending in a way that you will not like.

So, I am going on and on about headphones. Yes, you are right, like yours. They have revolutionized the what, when and how we listen to whatever it is we are usually listening to. I cannot even begin to speculate what people hear in the secrecy of those little (or not) things in their ears. Headphones, earphones are cool. My industry is what it is because of some little things such as these and I cannot fail to give my respect. You are probably wondering where the but of all this is. Well let me not keep you waiting any longer.

In true Kenyan fashion, we cannot let anything shine so much, we have to take some shine from it by doing something so crazy weird with it that others will be left swearing never to use the damning thing ever again. To whose benefit, you may ask. I do not know either.

One of these past fine evenings I was in a bus headed home. It was pretty dark because it had just rained. If you know what Nairobi traffic feels like on a rainy Friday then you probably know that everyone in the bus was quiet, dozing slightly, reflecting, counting other cars or just relaxing after a frantic day.

It was nice and quiet and just the way you want your weekend to begin. I was startled by what sounded like a mumbled cry of pain, I did not flinch. As my ears adjusted to the weirdest of all noises, I thought someone was singing a war song. Oh my goodness, I could not believe that the rising level of insecurity in Nairobi had caught up with me. There was someone who sounded like he was about to blow us up in suicidal madness. Then it was quiet, here it was, my time of reckoning. I waited but no blast or gut splitting explosion happened. As my heart settled, I could see everyone settling back into their seats, probably thinking that that had been close.

Then there was the hoarsest voice I had ever heard, singing along to a song over the earphones. Problem was that it was a man, an old man, singing along to only he knows what. It sounded like he was grunting in a traditional circumcision ceremony. It was so terrible that it was funny too.

Kindly people, if you are going to wear headphones, the cardinal rule is to never ever think that you sound like Nicki Minaj because you don’t. Quit hurting our ears with your terrible rendition of I Will Always Love You. And please do not give your headphones to your grandfather.